Is all Marriage Created Equal?


After watching the now stratospheric speech by Panti Bliss in the Abbey theatre I had an uncomfortable feeling. Why was ‘she’ so angry at ‘me’? Why did she repeatedly utter the words ‘I check myself’ almost to the point of complete irritation. Why was I so annoyed?

If you don’t have the patience or interest to read this full piece, no problem; here’s my opinion now. Same sex marriage should be allowed, the laws changed as soon as possible.

If however you are wanting to know why I am bothered to write this, well read on.

The Panti speech was brought about by her alter ego’s (Rory O’Neil) appearance on RTE television. There he was asked about the Iona institute, a confederacy of dunces if ever there was one. The institute is a group based in Ireland who are against gay marriage are keen to uphold the sanctity of tradition. He referred to John Waters(guardian of all things traditional and father to a pop singer’s love child) in Iona as a homophobe and subsequently the broadcaster had to get the chequebook out to appease Waters and the institute.

Now all this publicity was doing very little for any policy changes, except to unfairly fill the coffers of Waters and his cronies. Seeing this, many people took to the streets outside government buildings to protest in a sea of rainbow coloured flags and pink t-shirts.

Inside Leinster House there seems to be an overriding feeling that things have to change and change quickly. Then again only the liberally minded have spoken. It is surely a no brainer right? If two people want to convey their love via marriage what’s the problem? Well yes you would think that but then you would ignore the reality.

It is thought that this law will pass through with much less fuss than last year’s emotive abortion bill, but personally speaking I have my doubts. Like so many C-list celebrities in Ireland, Rory O’Neill and David Norris are charismatic and generate polite applause wherever they go. Both have been responsible for bringing gay issues to the fore time and time again and that is to be admired. Vitally both are extreme attention seeking extroverts; neither of whom faithfully represent the community they wish to serve.

But they’re only human, and if half of Hollywood pretends to fight for human rights in Africa, whilst somehow always managing to keep themselves in the limelight, then good luck to them.

Ultimately if this change in marriage law is to come to pass it will not be because some drag queen’s video went viral. Despite Panti’s plea for the rest of us to take a long hardlook at ourselves we will all walk into the voting station that day and tick a box for yes or no.

image sourced from phillipinenews.com

Ireland likes to think of itself as forward thinking, modern. Those days of Catholic guilt have long since passed. And yet how often do you see a gay couple holding hands in public, either on the streets of Galway, Monaghan or Dublin? Most of us wouldn’t be offended to see it and yet the prevailing mood in the LGBT community is that they feel it is unsafe to do so. Even still we are all pretty certain that this new law will be rubber stamped? Something isn’t right there.

If I was running this campaign I would immediately enlist the help of some people who I can connect to. Everyday people with everyday jobs who don’t call me names because I am taken aback by their cocktail dress, six inch heels and five o clock shadow.

So you’ve gathered by now I am a homophobe. Well if drag queens make me uncomfortable then yes I guess I am. I’ve been called worse. It doesn’t mean that I want things to say the same, that I don’t want to evolve. That I admit I am wrong when I use the words ‘gay’ and ‘faggot’ without thinking.

How do I sleep at night? Well quite easily. In the realm of things calling people names is not that big a deal. Then again I am not in a minority. The last time I was when I lived in Asia for a year and as a white man was called ‘bule’ by the locals. Was that racist? Yes but I wasn’t offended. Aren’t I great?

For people who do get offended by being branded a homophobe well you’ve had it for all of three weeks. Try a lifetime of hurtful abuse, that much Panti Bliss was exactly right about.

Persecution or even the thought of not having your opinons heard is a scary thought. Look at how many people come out to vote nowadays. We don’t care until we’re insulted. And yet if the vote was taken away from us tomorrow there would be an outcry.

A lot of people reckon this referendum will be a nice smokescreen, a chance for the government to gain to some credibility before hitting our wallets with new taxes. Maybe that’s true.

But if there’s anything going on it is that there is just a slight(and long overdue redress) in the balance of what it’s okay to say and not say. The majority of the gay community is fighting back because they are frustrated. As tax paying citizens of this country they want to have the same rights as everyone else. They don’t want to be told what to do in their private lives or that their relationship doesn’t mean as much as a man and woman’s.

On the other side the more traditional point of view, led by zealots from the likes of the Irish Catholic and Iona institute. They will run on the ticket of the nuclear family, mother and father with two kids, the whole bit. They feel that adoption will become some kind of transfer market akin to deadline day on Sky Sports, well that might be interesting to watch.

These two are going to be at loggerheads for the next year and a half until the referendum takes place. Us, the disinterested majority will stand in the middle, some of us mildly entertained others reaching for the remote to change the channel.

And the crazy thing is, we the apathetic many will decide, just by sheer numbers. Can you imagine that, your life being shaped by someone who doesn’t care either way?

A lot of people will only give their opinion on that ballot paper, when it is confidential and quiet to do so.

image from nytimes.com

My parting advice to the reform alliance parties out there is to get prepared. Prepared to bite your tongue and choose your battles wisely. Don’t assume that because you are right that you will win. Do not lower yourself to the dark arts of guilting the public into voting your way. Worse yet don’t play the ‘it doesn’t matter and it won’t affect you’ card, the last thing this nation needs is another excuse not to go down the road to vote.

Learn to appreciate the art of charm, something which always seems to go down well in Ireland for some reason.

I hope you win.

I watched the Panti video one more time whilst writing this. Have to say I began to warm to her.. Maybe I just needed to get used to her.

This post is guest post. For more on guest posts and how to submit pleasefollow this link.

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Hi, my name is Ray and I live in Ireland. I am slowly learning how unfair life is and dealing with it accordingly. Currently I live at home with my parents at the tender age of 32, having decided that success and a nice abode of my own was all too predictable. I presently work as an Intern, which in Ireland means, the same as everywhere else in the western world (no job prospects!). My principle interests include observing soccer players secretly laughing at the rest of us, wrestling with the reality that sometimes you’re better off not trying, wrestling full stop oh and fast food, consummation and critique thereof. I don’t like long walks along the beach, Monday is my favourite day of the week and if there’s an American TV show out there that you love and can’t stop talking about chances are I probably despise you.

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What Can You Do?


This is one of those positivity posts you happen upon across the blogosphere. Don’t worry though, I’m not going to tell you how to change your life. It’s one I’m hoping you’ll read and decide to post your own appropriate response. I got the idea from Caitlin Kelly’s Broadside Blog (a blog I’m trying to get back into reading because of its great ability to encourage and establish ownership of yourself, as well as some pretty neat ideas for blog posts). She got the idea from someone else. And that other person undoubtedly happened upon this idea elsewhere, or in part from another facet of life. I could go on but I think you get the idea. Think of it as an e-NekNomination in list format.

As it is a list on a blog your undoubtedly concerned that it’s another bucket list. Relax. There is no bucket or receptacle requirement for this post. Unless you actually need a bucket for whatever ailment it is you’re suffering from. Please follow your doctor’s orders, not mine, at least with regard the bucket necessity.

Am I still talking about buckets?

This is a ‘can do’ post. One that talks about ability not probability. Not goals, not aspirations, not dreams, because as lovely as they are you won’t get near them if you don’t know who you are.

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However, this isn’t about what can you do well, or whether or not you’re the best or recognised as something to do with it. It’s about recognising in yourself your own ability to carry out actions which result in something. Usually you would do quite a decent job at this something upon carrying it out. This something may be a finished product or it could be just another step in a continuous process. Everyone has these, but for some reason all talk seems to be about what I can’t do, or why I am the best at doing something. And I say we should raise the two fingers to that.

I’ve never been overly competitive so my list reads quite dull, to be honest. These days I just want people to recognise what I do as good, rather than the best. I’d like to be great, but I’m not twenty anymore and I realise that I should have been starting out on that road back then, rather than doing other “stuff”. I’m happy enough where I am, but it’s nice to be liked. Maybe that’s where my internet addiction stems from, my constant search for likes and favourites across whatever social platform I’m engrossed in at the time (this blog is no different).

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Anway. Here’s my list. Be awed.

I can…

  • Drive a car kind of well
  • Draw a picture
  • Cook decent grub, especially with feck all in the fridge. 
  • Take a decent photograph with a DSLR using manual settings (I couldn’t do this three months ago – I know, amazing).
  • Tie my shoelaces if I want to.
  • Speak English and make a living from it.
  • Walk to work.
  • Write and publish a poem or two.
  • Write well.
  • Be witty.
  • Read an entire classical novel on my ipad.
  • Teach a language class to a variety of levels of language users where no one ends up leaving in tears.
  • Lead a great team of people to organise a St Patrick’s Day festival or two.
  • Live in Korea relatively successfully for nine years.
  • Love a woman unconditionally.

Even if you suffer the same affliction as I, a list like this will comfort you as you realise that much of this doesn’t really require likes, and does require time and attention to become proficient at. It’s also a list you can look at and think, well hey that’s me, that is who I am, and as I composed my rather rickettly makeshift list I could picture times in my past when I just got better at doing this stuff. The learning curve I believe they term it, except it being a positive list, said curve included only sentimental flashbacks of success. None of that repeated abject failure business.

So let’s see your list – What Can You Do?

 

I was bored so I Googled myself…


You can thank Sheila Squillante at We Who Are About To Die for the inspiration behind this post

So, I was bored. I was sitting around thinking how the internet consumes me daily – here, twitter, newspapers, videos, information, contact with friends and family. I thought to myself, surely I have some sort of an online profile or presence. I write a lot and most of it goes on the internet, so why not? I don’t mean like a falsified facebook page or fancified linkedin account for work. I mean something like a digital footprint of my own actions on the internet.

So, I googled myself.

Continue reading

Under Close Examination


I thought I’d try this:

From Expathell.com

I have this Japanese magazine where the editors walked around different cities in Japan and stopped random people on the street.  Instead of asking them questions, they simply asked them to empty out and organize the contents of their wallets or purses for a photo.  They list only the owner’s name and city, with all other information omitted.

By looking at the contents of my wallet…well you can tell that I have absolutely no personality:

My wallet includes:

1 x Samsung card with homeplus membership card barcode sticker.

1 x KB Cashcard with, em, no money in the account.

1 x Woori Cashcard with, em, no money in the account.

(this is true, I’m broke and live off my credit cards – herself has the rest)

1 x Alien Registration Card

1 x Korean driving lisence

1 x Staff card the doubles as a Visa platinum card (how handy)

1 x GS Point card

1 x Shinsegae point card

1 x Bandi and Luni’s membership card

1 x discount card for Dublin Terrace in Gangnam

1 x Korean Teachers Credit Union membership card

1 x business card for a (apparently) very famous Haegum musician.

1 x business card for a travel agent that said he can help me get discounts for large groups that want to travel to Ireland…I never called.

An assortment of stamp cards for various restaurants and coffee shops around Suwon and Seoul

– A Touch of Spice, Jongno

– Kassam, Suwon

– Hollys Coffee

– The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf

– Dunkin Donuts

– Angel-in-Us

– Platanus

Incidentaly, none of these have been used more than three times. Does that make me a better or worse person?

In anticipation of this happening to me again, I will carry a personal memoir, a well thumbed tourist map of the Medina in Fes, a collection of my poetry, and an old, frail and unused condom (still in wrapper) – that might give a better idea about who I am.

*Wouldn’t it be interesting if every scribbler in Korea stopped what they were doing right now and photographed the contents of their wallets, then posted it online?*

Hmmm…a little to accurate I believe!


Found this in the Irish Times this morning. Startling realism to the point that it is upsetting.

The Genetics of an Irish Man a.k.a Me!

 Sure if they’ve worked this out, surely they know that my pin number is the year I was born and that I don’t really know anything about anything despite how well I word myself… Reminds me of a book by Joseph O’Connor (I read this when I was fiftenn, maybe I wouldn’t think it was so funny today).