Things you should do to make your writing more effective.

1. Write about yourself.

2. Don’t write about yourself.

3. Cook dinner.

4. Don’t describe anything.

5. Remember stuff you can’t recall.

6. Don’t write about stuff you don’t care about.

7. Don’t write about stuff nobody cares about.

8. Everyone cares about something. Write about it.

9. Check your spellings.

10. Don’t use fucking metaphors.

11. Be bizarre.

12. Be straight.

13. Write drunk.

14. Be addicted to something.

15. Sign up for facebook/twitter/tumblr/pinterest/linkedin/wattpad etc.

16. Delete your facebook/twitter/tumblr/pinterest/linkedin/wattpad etc. account.

17. Have sex with someone you shouldn’t.

18. Go without sex for years.

19. Break your heart.

20. Hate everything.

21. Travel.

22. Look at stuff.

23. Walk.

24. Read stuff that annoys you.

25. Listen to music loud all day in your bedroom with the door closed but the window open.

26. Take sentences and rearrange them.

27. Copy people.

28. Smell stuff.

29. Examine the contents of your hair, and I mean all your hair.

30. Sell something important to you.

31. Lose something.

32. Hurt yourself.

33. Hurt someone else.

34. Read.

35. Don’t read.

36. Don’t use punctuation.

37. Manufacture new words.

38. Rhyme every word/sentence.

39. Find out what syntax actually means.

40. Learn how to spell words you can’t spell.

41. Write with a black ink pen.

42. Write in circles.

43. Draw pictures.

44. Smell the paper.

45. Fix the keyboard on your computer.

46. Vomit in an alley.

47. Touch yourself.

48. Touch someone else.

49. Eat old yoghurt.

50. Watch television all day.

51. Buy a subscription for a magazine and never read it.

52. Steal free stuff.

53. Look at yourself in the mirror before you shower.

54. Leave your home.

55. Learn a new language.

56. Soil yourself.

57. Burn the tip of your index finger on your good hand.

58. Wear no socks.

59. Get married and start a family.

60. Read poetry.

61. Grow a plant.

62. Have too many pens and notebooks.

63. Be sick.

64. Have friends who always let you down.

65. Choose your favourite font.

66. Read the fine print.

67. Move to a cabin on a mountain.

68. Drink too much coffee.

69. Drive all night to get somewhere.

70. Turn off the lights late at night and sit there, wherever, watching the room turn bright as your eyes adjust to the light.

71. Sing out of tune.

72. Listen to a person’s story.

73. Question.

74. Clean something.

75. Pick your toenails.

76. Write a blog.

77. Read a dictionary.

78. Find a comfortable place to sit.

79. Ask someone to read what you wrote.

80. Read what someone else wrote.

81. Edit.

82. Delete everything.

83. Tell someone you love them.

84. Ask the way to get somewhere.

85. Eat too much.

86. Read a ‘how to’ guide.

87. Eat a whole lemon.

88. Roll a joint and smoke it all to yourself.

89. Pray.

90. Talk on the phone with a friend for a long time.

91. Sit in a bar alone.

92. Read the spam in your inbox.

93. Like/Retweet something.

94. Buy a nice suit.

95. Keep a secret.

96. Grieve.

97. Be cynical.

98. Be incessant.

99. Be old.

100. Be young.


The Top 9 Reasons not to Write a Top 10

Maybe you already know this…

(In no particular order of preference)

  • How much do you really know about something?
    In fairness, as much as an expert you may be, you hardly know everything about one thing. In fact anyone who claims to do this doesn’t really suit my take on anything. But even if you do suggest that you do know everything about anything, do yourself a favour, exclude the word ‘definitive’ and any of its synonyms.
  • Continue reading